Worst Music Videos Of All Time

I’ve posted quite a few over the years – IceJJFish, Christian music videos, various Musical Car Crashes which are in this list but I won’t repost them. A recent Facebook thread added some more to this stack, like the Candlemass track above. This was the first video by Jonas Åkerlund famous for that Ray of Light video, Lady Gaga & Beyonce – Telephone, Prodigy’s Smack That Bitch Up video and sadly Roxette. Surprised after this monstrosity he ever was allowed to make a video again!

Jan Terri is a wonderful person, but she’d be the first to admit her early videos leave a lot to be desired. But she’s become famous off this and other videos of hers, and appears on video podcasts, so it has a good ending. Better than the video, anyway!

Again another one I thought I’d posted this Finnish space disco meets Rene and Renata style video, but a search says not. Apparently this is Armi Ja Danny with ‘I Wanna Love You Tender’ and some really odd dancing that makes Pan’s People look like the Bolshoi.

And third in the ‘did I not post this?’ – maybe it was my LJ or Twitter. Tommy Seebach’s video for his version of Apache, which I’m pretty sure I mentioned on the podcast is a classic, and spawned many redubbing videos around 2007 – most famously with Prodigy such as Voodoo People or Breathe.

“We’re about to learn some grill skills!” – not exactly a normal music video, but a training Wendy’s video from 1989 with a legendarily bad rap about making burgers. Check out the part two after the tutorial, it has animated singing female burger patties.

Autotune has a lot to answer for, and one of the top atrocities along with D4NNY and IceJJFish is Rehdogg – Why Must I Cry. Like Ice I’ve got no idea if this US Virgin Islands rapper/reggae artist is serious, certainly also check out his other response to apparently being left by Tammie Star, with extra Lord of the Ring outfits.

Even though it was an official video from a well known song, the video for Men Without Hats – Safety Dance still gives me nightmares from when I saw it as a kid. It’s like Time Bandits meets Wicker Man, and makes no sense at all. Welcome To The Pleasurdrome has a more logical plot than this.

Stop War. Yeah. C’mon. One time. Business. Check! Hungarian strangeness from Speak called Sometimes (People Make A Video And Then Don’t Know What It’s For). Yeah. C’mon. Together.

And a few decades back the US police spent their money making rap videos rather than ex-military gear and driving around in large armoured vehicles shooting tear gas. ‘I’m not vanilla ice’ – no shit! This is El Paso PD’s attempt at being street. Oh dear.

And here are a few compilation videos (how can it be Top 5 EVER if there are 3 of them? Odd.) of some monstrosities – particularly love the I wanna get high and die kid, no surprise that’s deleted, I bet he got grounded. But I complete deny that Chinese Food or Rebecca Black’s Friday as being bad, as they are genius pop moments, and the videos are actually good, if cheesy. But D4NNY and yes, Ice JJ Fish definitely count in the Musical Video Hell.

And finally I’ll leave you with the genius that is Joget to the Moon by Peter John Anak Apai. Legendary.

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