Coming Out mix Part 1 - Coming Up from Radio Clash Podcast: - London-based global music podcast feat. covers, mashups, remixes, and bootlegs since 2004.

Is it asking too much, of my favorite friends,
to take these songs for real.
Is it asking too much, of my partner’s hands,
to take these songs for real?

It’s just over 20 years since coming out, so I thought given all the current 90’s nostalgia I’d (re)create a mix of music that I was listening to back then, the music I escaped into, and the tiny glimpses of queerdom in a mostly straight Britpop scene.

This mix takes us from my closeted days to coming out to my best friend and parents, the rush of going on the scene and sex, and the down side: the lonely desperate looking for companionship and love in clubs and bars, feeling out of place and not welcome in the bear scene…what me and Kirk call the ‘KA effect’ after the King’s Arms, the weird vibe you get walking into a gay bar and everyone looks at you, Slaughtered Lamb style.

It’s quite emo in places, but obviously it was an intense time (coming out usually is!)…Although if I did this mix at the time it would be more so, songs like Manics ‘No Surface All Feeling’ and more heavier Joy Division tracks would feature, but it all gets very dark, I wanted to include the confusion and heartbreak in coming out, but keep it lighter. On the other hand I could’ve soundtracked it all with Cardigans songs, they seem to map out the same arc as me.

I used to be a little boy
So old in my shoes
And what I choose is my choice
What’s a boy supposed to do?
The killer in me is the killer in you
My love, I send this smile over to you

I created quite a few tapes at the time, but sadly don’t have them anymore, but this is mostly from the late 80’s and early-mid 90’s, from Britpop to indie and indie dance to some cheesy pop and dance. All with meaning for me, or are flagposts for other things like the Mama Cass which is there because of Beautiful Thing…and quite a few are nods to friends of mine – James was a big Dubstar fan, the middle Britpop ‘rush’ section recalls going to Popstarz with Kirk, etc.

Only one fudge, Wide Open Space came out the same time as me (hohoho) but the Perfecto mix didn’t arrive til a year later. Watch out for part two, that covers what happened next…*cue mysterious music*