Alex Turner is a cock – surprise! And NME still love him

Classic NME storm-in-a-Yorkshire-tea-cup, and also revision of history. Alex Turner does a frankly brattish and not at all punk nor rock and roll, acceptance speech, and NME laps it up as some Dylan Judas moment. Umm, you’re accepting an award from MASTERCARD Alex? You is not punk, nor rock and roll. Say ‘Fuck Mastercard and the NME’ and smash the award then we’ll talk…until then you and your bland are an example of all that is wrong with corporate rock and roll, or blandie as I call it. You have a way with lyrics and the odd tune, but that was a decade ago with ‘I Bet You Look Good On The Dancefloor’ – regurgitating this again and again, apart from one great foray into psychobilly with Richard Hawley which showed how pussy the rest of your output is – well that’s what is wrong with rock and roll. Smashing the glass ceiling into the arms of Mastercard.

You know all this arselicking of the Arctic Monkeys is funny, because I remember the NME HATING Arctics when they came out, accusing them of cooking their success and just being online hype. It was that whole ‘Myspace success’ envy thing, they built up their audience without the permission nor bidding of the IPC Subeditors (Dictate Our Youth!), and NME hated that. The same happened to Lily Allen, and a few others…I thought it was great that the internet was shaking things up. Then NME barely had a website, let alone understood how what it described scornfully as ‘nerds’ and ‘bedroom boffins’ actually did, until it was too late, sales were down, Melody Maker had just folded, Smash Hits slowly folded, and those geeks were at the doors.

The kids who buy NME now don’t know that because it was too long ago and the writers have changed many times and so have the editors. But I remember…they had to do a complete 180 when they realised how many Arctics fans wrote in to complain, spotted a cash cow generational shift and so like with the Libertines they put them on the cover and it sold out. They’ve been uncritical of AM since then – which is strange given their M.O. of only liking white skinny indie boys with guitars under 23 (I know this is their demographic from personal experience. Industry, bitches!) – you’d have thought that them and say the Flaming Lips would be ‘too old’ for them now?

I guess the backlash will be another cash cow when they decide AM are too old?