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Worst Dance Songs

Caused by coming across this scarily accurate list, for those who thought Swamp Thing, Rednex and Doop were bad we have equally bad delights to share (although I disagree on their additions of Rushin the House, Trip to Trumpton and SmartE’s although yes Roobarb and Custard was always bad and lazy even then)

Above is Slipstreem’s terrible version of Rod Stewart’s Sailing cannily renamed We are Raving, which not only should be scuttled and keelhauled; it was directed by Jarvis Cocker. I bet he sent a few scurvy dogs over the plank for that one…

Next is Scooter whose whole output should be on this list (apart from that quite-good Billy Idol cover of Eyes Without A Face, well I liked it) but taking a Shut Up and Dance classic, singing it badly then adding faux-acid and Scotland the Brave? No I’m not raving I’m sitting this one out.

I’m ashamed I used to like Oceanic but really, yes this is shite, and completely out of tune, on the upside if Florence leaves her Machine or La Roux needs another day job, safe to say here’s another singing job they could fill in on:

Fuck the macarena. Well fuck this fuck the macarena, it’s horrible too, probably worse than the Macarena actually.

I’d add these to this list:

The terrible DJ Miko What’s Up cover on the list cannot actually beat A.D.A.M. ft Amy’s scary version of Zombie. Yes the Cranberries one – which was an annoying track to start with – I know lets add happy hardcore to it, that’ll improve it! Err, maybe not. I blame Almighty for crap like this, even though I don’t think it’s one of theirs, the banal female diva cover plus happy handbag backing is totally their invention. And bane of the gay scene, I remember sitting in the Kings Arms when this first came on. I then despaired for the taste of my fellow gays.

Hmm I used to think a techno version of the Das Boot theme was a good idea. I was younger then.

Smash Hits lyrics: Poing, Poing, Poing, Poing, Poing, Poing, Poing, Poing, Poing, MAKE IT STOP!

I used to play this at the end of my Parkade sets as the ultimate in Edelweiss style Scooter good/badness. It’s so bad it transcends into goodness as it has passed the worst barrier into a new realm, Star Trekkin’ style.

And I refuse to even link to Crazy Frog – Axel F. Ugh.

So what are YOUR worst novelty dance records? It does seem rave, happy hardcore, trance and house spawned quite a few monsters…

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