Dear Straight People

As we used to say OTM but I guess the modern phrase is so many feels. This video from Denice Frohman from Women of the World Poetry Slam sums it up, homophobia is still there till the day I can kiss John and not think about who is around. I don’t think straight people realise that is a luxury for some people, even if I’m in the safest place, you instinctively check for trouble. Every. Single. Time.

It’s hard to break that habit, feel safe, after getting abuse, even in London which is relatively safe compared to many places, even if nothing happens, even if you tell yourself again and again ‘stop being silly, it’s fine here’ – like the first time you get burgled, or attacked, or your pocket picked, that innocence is gone. And will be very hard to get back. Unless you’ve been attacked for just holding hands you probably won’t understand that.

Sadly looking at the straight ‘y u not b nice?’ entitled mansplaining comments on the video, I see some people didn’t bother to try and understand. It’s weird being a white bloke but a gay one, I never fully inherited that ‘I’m a straight bloke, and thus the centre of the entire entitleverse, and so I can dismiss criticism because if it didn’t happen to Thy Royal Straightness it never happens’ gene. Oh I get the forthright bit, it’s the other half I gladly seem to struggle on. I like more, well, proofy-facty-truthy-listen-to-others-first things than ‘Direct white straight male experience or it didn’t happen’.

These I suspect are *exactly* the people Denice is talking to, not the straight allies who get the anger, who know where that comes from, and she rightly gives a shout out to those people. But talking to power is hard, and a thankless task, you don’t get any prizes, usually derision from those forced to think uncomfortable thoughts about their privilege, their power structures. It’s usually those who think you should be a nicer, cleaner, desexualised, monogamous, prettier, picket-fence gay and invite us to your wedding and, yeah, let’s forget the last few hundred years of killing, suicide, forced rapes, closet, stigma, forced marriages, and intentional ignorance over AIDS, k? Err, no, sorry, you don’t get off that easy…and if you hurrumph over a few hard truths under a blanket generalised sexual label, then welcome to the club, not nice is it? Happens to us all the time, especially when the Church or right-wing wades in. A few more hundred years of about 1000x that, and then you can get your very own Pride and flag! Isn’t that grand?

And to those who say the war is won, I think the line “Tell me, what happened to Jose M* (?), Sakia Gunn, Lawrence King” sums it up, especially as those occurred in the US in the past decade and a half…you know? The place that’s supposed to be kicking Russia’s arse over gay rights? Mmm-hmm.

But then we live in a world where people are up in arms about Miley aping like Elvis – or more importantly fed this by advertising revenue seeking media companies, but no-one gives a fig that her detractors are hypocritical homophobes, or that silly Syria possible run up to WW3 business. Yay for Ed Milliband btw, you can go further and be against war, you know…it is allowed, whatever Cameron says. You can be against America’s military complex! Well, until they invade you, that is.

*who is she referring to here? I sadly know of the other two, didn’t recognise this one. I’m guessing sadly another LGBTQ non-white teen which unlike Matthew Shephard got hardly any press…I want to know, though. I want to remember them, even if the straight manstream (LOL) press don’t.